Chazozra Bavadi

She is talking with me about a disappearing identity. 
She is talking about how I try to change myself to fit myself into the German everything.
She projects it upon my fear of dying (Denial of self-identity which  tied together with death)

my german boyfriend's father wanted to buy for us a present, he wanted us to come with him to a book store and find for us a book. I went through the book shelfs for a long time, and found nothing. in the end I saw Hermann Hesse / Siddhartha and decided to take it. when I showed my selection, both to my boyfriend and his dad, they where very surprised that I haven't read it before. I felt stupid, it didn't occur to me in the same time, that for Germans, to read this books its like for an Israeli to read "A Trumpet in the Wadi" (חצוצרה בואדי) by Sami Michael.