Chazozra Bavadi
She is talking with me about a disappearing identity.
She is talking about how I try to change myself to fit myself into the German everything.
She projects it upon my fear of dying (Denial of self-identity which tied together with death)
my german boyfriend's father wanted to buy for us a present, he wanted us to come with him to a book store and find for us a book. I went through the book shelfs for a long time, and found nothing. in the end I saw Hermann Hesse / Siddhartha and decided to take it. when I showed my selection, both to my boyfriend and his dad, they where very surprised that I haven't read it before. I felt stupid, it didn't occur to me in the same time, that for Germans, to read this books its like for an Israeli to read "A Trumpet in the Wadi" (חצוצרה בואדי) by Sami Michael.
Herbst / Fall / סתיו
Everybody getting sick here in the fall.
Few days ego
we began to re-activate
the bonfire in our house.
The fall and winter in Berlin
is like Jerusalem.
you are feeling good
knowing that everyone
are like you, staying home..
And still,
In this days of heavy clouds and pavements
full with dry leaves, every little sunray penetrate in me guilt
for sitting in a closed room.
Amit, who came from Israel to visits here, said the leaves
are not as nice as she thought they will be.
Two short stories:
"The dog" & "The car"
2 short stories
Story Nu.1;
I saw few days ego in the subway station a bald man, with tight black uniforms, high black shiny boots, a military black cap with a small pin and a black tie with the Wermacht symbol on it. He had a big black dog with a muzzles(מחסום פה).
I passed next to him. He didn't see me and I stared at him till I began to see small black dots. I was dizzy. Then our eyes met. I was terrified.
I held a book in Hebrew. I went faster to the other side of the very empty station. I looked in his direction and waited for him to come, but he didn´t come.
On the train I sat where I could see him. I stared openly at him. I thought about things I could say to him.
Story Nu.2;
As I rode my bicycle today I went down the road and rode in front of a car too early. It was my mistake, but not such a big one.
The driver got very angry and shouted something in German. I didn't look at him. I continued driving, feeling a bit bad, but not too bad because it was all not that bad. The driver slowed down his car, drove next to me and shouted at me more and more. I got more and more angry until,
without looking in his direction I shouted to him in Hebrew: "Tamshich linsoa, ya Nazi" (keep on driving, you Nazi).
The driver became quiet, stayed there for few long seconds and then continued driving. Only at that point I saw the driver was not a man but a woman and she was very old.
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